Other Kids Pack Lunch

Neil Patrick Harris - Apocalyptic Bad Ass

Picture this: The end of civilization is nigh. Chaos everywhere. Dogs playing poker. Cats smoking dope. Jason Alexander has a series that is renewed for more than two seasons.

That's right folks. It's the end of the world (as we know it).

Now you're probably thinking, "I need provisions. MREs. Bottled water. Dynamite. Porn."

Sweethearts, you're only going to need one thing.

Neil Patrick Harris.

Don't you look at me like that! I know exactly what I'm talking about and to prove that I do, I'm going to give you 10 reasons why Neil Patrick Harris will be the only thing you need in the event of an apocalyptic, cataclysmic event.

• Neil Patrick Harris was so bad ass that he didn't have to wait Clooney age to become a doctor. No. The only thing he needed was puberty. That's all folks. 
• Neil Patrick Harris will kill a whole army of carnivorous dinosaurs for free. Then he'll ask you how your grandmother is doing. 
• When Neil Patrick Harris buys Girl Scout Cookies, he buys them in bulk. This means he's stocked up for the end of the world. And yes, he will share. 
• Neil Patrick Harris can kill Sasquatch. No, actually, he can make Sasquatch kill himself. How? By making Sasquatch feel like a completely inadequate dumbass who doesn't deserve to live. Balk now, but you'll be glad when Neil's intelli-tactic keeps you from being canned Sasquatch food. 
• Using the energy saved by making Sasquatch kill himself, Neil Patrick Harris can build a cabin for long-term winter survival complete with energy efficient solar panels and homemade "green" lightbulbs. Don't believe me? Then just watch and wait, you ass! 
• Neil Patrick Harris never forgets Superman, Batman, Spider-Man and The Green Lantern on his Christmas card list. As such, when he calls, they come running. It's not easy being Superman. He's only a man. Who gets very few Christmas cards. Who do you think you are not sending the world's greatest superhero a card? 
• Neil Patrick Harris can drink Marion Ravenwood under the table. So, if someone has to win more provisions through a drinking game, he's your man. 
• If surviving the apocalypse entails time travel because of a nuclear winter, Neil Patrick Harris is fully prepared to immerse himself in a new time period and you'd do well to stick with him. He will insure that you don't do something stupid like start talking about The Beatles in 1802. 
• Neil Patrick Harris is younger than Chuck Norris. 3 to 1. 
• Neil Patrick Harris is legen - wait for it - dary.

Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson: Full of Awesome or Legen - wait for it - dary?

Recently, while at the local cinema (I like saying "cinema" - makes me feel all European), I saw this poster and found myself saying, "This is going to be legen - wait for it - dary."

Now let me explain. It was as if I had no control of my lips. As if I had been possessed by the devil herself. It's true. I was in awe of a poster that featured the visage of Neil Patrick Harris. On a fucking unicorn.

A few years ago, if you had said the name "Neil Patrick Harris" to me, I would have replied, "Doody Howser?" with a snort.

Now, after three seasons of How I Met Your Mother, I have discovered: Neil Patrick Harris is full of awesome. Why? Barney Stinson.

If you haven't seen Neil in action as Barney, then you need to catch re-runs of How I Met Your Mother on CBS. There will be plenty of those for awhile as it is anyway with the writer's strike. Might as well make the best of it.

And for those of you who have seen Barney in action, I present you with this moment of zen: