Other Kids Pack Lunch

Neil Patrick Harris - Apocalyptic Bad Ass

Picture this: The end of civilization is nigh. Chaos everywhere. Dogs playing poker. Cats smoking dope. Jason Alexander has a series that is renewed for more than two seasons.

That's right folks. It's the end of the world (as we know it).

Now you're probably thinking, "I need provisions. MREs. Bottled water. Dynamite. Porn."

Sweethearts, you're only going to need one thing.

Neil Patrick Harris.

Don't you look at me like that! I know exactly what I'm talking about and to prove that I do, I'm going to give you 10 reasons why Neil Patrick Harris will be the only thing you need in the event of an apocalyptic, cataclysmic event.

• Neil Patrick Harris was so bad ass that he didn't have to wait Clooney age to become a doctor. No. The only thing he needed was puberty. That's all folks. 
• Neil Patrick Harris will kill a whole army of carnivorous dinosaurs for free. Then he'll ask you how your grandmother is doing. 
• When Neil Patrick Harris buys Girl Scout Cookies, he buys them in bulk. This means he's stocked up for the end of the world. And yes, he will share. 
• Neil Patrick Harris can kill Sasquatch. No, actually, he can make Sasquatch kill himself. How? By making Sasquatch feel like a completely inadequate dumbass who doesn't deserve to live. Balk now, but you'll be glad when Neil's intelli-tactic keeps you from being canned Sasquatch food. 
• Using the energy saved by making Sasquatch kill himself, Neil Patrick Harris can build a cabin for long-term winter survival complete with energy efficient solar panels and homemade "green" lightbulbs. Don't believe me? Then just watch and wait, you ass! 
• Neil Patrick Harris never forgets Superman, Batman, Spider-Man and The Green Lantern on his Christmas card list. As such, when he calls, they come running. It's not easy being Superman. He's only a man. Who gets very few Christmas cards. Who do you think you are not sending the world's greatest superhero a card? 
• Neil Patrick Harris can drink Marion Ravenwood under the table. So, if someone has to win more provisions through a drinking game, he's your man. 
• If surviving the apocalypse entails time travel because of a nuclear winter, Neil Patrick Harris is fully prepared to immerse himself in a new time period and you'd do well to stick with him. He will insure that you don't do something stupid like start talking about The Beatles in 1802. 
• Neil Patrick Harris is younger than Chuck Norris. 3 to 1. 
• Neil Patrick Harris is legen - wait for it - dary.

Spielberg Steps Down From 2008 Olympic Committee Post

You know, I have always respected Spielberg. Both as a director and as a human being, but nothing he has done - even his directing my favorite film ever (ehm, Raiders) - has inspired this much respect from me.

As you're probably aware, Steven Spielberg pulled his support of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing after no real effort by the Chinese government to take action over the atrocities in Darfur.

This move by Spielberg is a crucial one and really puts the heat and the focus on the Chinese government and their involvement in Sudan.

Of course, you can't mention this without mentioning Mia Farrow, who has been an outspoken voice and a tour de force in bringing this to the attention of the American public.

I heart Steven and Mia.

Jimmy Fallon Getta Married. Married? Yes! Married!

It's all downhill from here, girls.

When Jimmy Fallon, the cute, quirky SNL bachelor we all knew and loved, gets married, it's all over. Apparently now, everyone's doing it. Doing what? Getting married! Don't make me quote Sixteen Candles again, people.

I had the most atrocious crush on Fallon back in the day. Went to see his show at Indiana U. Good times.

Now he's went and grown up and gotten married.

Are all of you people hell bent on getting married? CALM THE FUCK DOWN PEOPLE!!

For those looking for details instead of incessant whining, Fallon married his long-time girlfriend, Nancy Juvonen. They got married in the Caribbean. For those wondering, there were no pirates. As far as anyone knows, anyway. If I was going to get married in the Caribbean, I'd at least want a decent pirate ship as part of the deal.

Fine, Fallon. Go ahead. Grow up and get respectable.

Someone's gotta stay here and fight off Captain Hook anyway. Hmph.

Dear Hannah Montana, My Dad Is Dead. Please Send Concert Tickets.

Upon first reading this news story, I was instantly shocked. Let's face it: Anyway you cut it, telling people your father died in Iraq (who, it seems, was non-existent) is messed up and quite despicable. The fact that the lie was made to win, of all things, concert tickets, makes it even worse.

Of course, the other side to this is something that, as a writer, I've always been cognizant of when entering contests of this nature: sympathy will always out quality.

Now, before you lash me, let me state: I haven't read the essay. It could be fabulous. And it's not to say that an essay that was truthfully written about such a scenario wouldn't be quality. Obviously that isn't the case. What I'm saying is simply, when judging a contest, many times sympathy or even guilt will easily overshadow the true purpose of the contest: to find the best essay, writer, what have you. No doubt, the girl and her mother realized this. Otherwise, the essay would have consisted of how the girl simply wanted to go to the concert or how she was an upstanding young girl. Yeah, yeah.

Contest organizers are threatening to take away the girl's tickets. On the one hand, I can't blame them. On the other, is this acknowledgement that they didn't award the girl the tickets based on the actual essay, but more on the fact that her father had supposedly perished in Iraq? I can only assume that's part of the reason why no further decision has been made to take back the concert tickets. I'm aware that there's many sides to this and it goes back to the whole James Frey, "is it still worthy if it isn't true" bit that revolves around anytime a supposed biography or personal reflection is found not to be true.

In the end, no matter what happens, you can't for one second believe that the mother wasn't aware of the consequences of being discovered. They might have won sympathy for the essay, but I doubt the sympathy will go much further than that.

The sad part in all of this is that the girl was only 6 years old. Oh boy.

Update: Look as if they decided to take away the tickets.

Bette Davis Gets a U.S. Postage Stamp

Bette Davis was a cool chick, but I wouldn't have wanted to cross her.

Of course, now I can at least peel her off and stick her in the corner. Of a letter anyway. Yup. She's got her own postage stamp. Bette has now entered the cool brigade with Superman, Elvis, Mickey Mouse and Marilyn Monroe.

Bette had an interesting look on life. Honest to the point of pissing off those around her. Chances are, most goody-two shoe, everything is coming up roses people wouldn't have gotten along with her. If you don't believe me, just take a look at some of her wisdom:

"An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know."

"Basically, I believe the world is a jungle, and if it's not a bit of a jungle in the home, a child cannot possibly be fit to enter the outside world."

"I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business."

"I sent my flowers across the hall to Mrs Nixon but her husband remembered what a Democrat I am and sent them back."

"I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year."

"When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch."

And my personal favorite:

"Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies."

Yes. I definitely think we need more bitches on postage stamps. Hopefully, I'll have my own one day.

Of course, apparently, I'm more of a Mae West than a Bette. Not surprised. I fucking love her.

 

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Christopher Walken & John Madden Bring Thanksgiving to the New World

This is hilarious. The impressions are pretty tight and it's just wacky enough for it to incite love from me.

Celebrity Bric-a-Brac Theatre: The Story of Thanksgiving

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J.K. Rowling: "Dumbledore Is Gay"

I love moments like this.

J.K. Rowling apparently revealed tonight, in front of a crowd of Harry Potter fans, that the beloved Wizard and Hogwarts Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, was gay.

It makes sense really. Throughout Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows, Dumbledore's relationship with Grindelwald was eluded to being a very prominent relationship in his life. Now, granted, I've got very prominent relationships with my best girlfriends, but not to the point that I'd go crazy with the magic with them and follow them to the ends of the earth on some crazy scheme in order to take over the world. I might require a postcard, though. And if they were going some place really cool, they'd better invite me, but still - surely after that ramble, you get my drift.

As the AP article states, this is going to give further fodder to those groups that already hate Harry Potter and Rowling. Eh, who cares? They wouldn't be happy with a unicorn that shat gold coins and platinum American Express cards.

She also apparently told fans that she had to pass a note to David Yates, director of Half-Blood Prince, when it was mentioned in the script for the upcoming Potter film, that Dumbledore had once been interested in a, gasp, girl.

After revealing the news, J.K. Rowling joked about the fan fiction that would come about. Oh honey. Dumbledore/Grindelwald fanfic is the least of your worries.

"Amy Winehouse Held in Pot Case"

I love my GMail news ticker. It's always telling me all kinds of fun stuff. Like the time it tried to convince me that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt sold their baby by teasing me with the blurb, "Pitt & Jolie Sell Baby." I can't even remember what the news article was about. Only that I had images of Brad Pitt at an auction block yelling, "Heybidderbidderbidderwegotonedollahcanigettwodollahfortheinfantinthepooh
bearsleepah!"

Today, GMail tells me that Amy Winehouse is being held in a pot case. Now, obviously, we know that this means that Amy has had a nasty run-in with the pot cops, but if I were to take the blurb literally, I would be asking several things:

1. How big is the case? 
2. Does it have a latch? A zipper? A snap? 
3. Does it have holes in it so that Amy can breathe? 
4. Is it really shaped like a pot? Or is it just a case that normally holds pot, but currently holds an Amy? 
5. Does the case already accommodate her hair or will her hair have to be compacted in order for her to fit into the case?

I think these questions are completely natural, don't you?

And, in the event you actually want to read the news article (spoil sport), here it is.

Deborah Kerr is Dead at Age 86

All the news outlets are reporting that actress, Deborah Kerr, has died after suffering a long bout with Parkinson's Disease.

For many, I'm sure that "The King and I" is the first movie that pops into mind when the name "Deborah Kerr" is mention. For me, for some odd reason, the first thing that pops into mind is "An Affair to Remember," though whether this is due to "Sleepless in Seattle" or the fact that I love Cary Grant, I'm not sure. Though, I'm sure many probably remember that kiss from "From Here To Eternity" just as well as anything.

She was beautiful in a way that was both classic and unconventional (trust me - I know it's contradictory) as so many stars of her time were.

Now, we've just got to wait for someone to start the whole "happens in threes" bit. Which I've always found to be somewhat ridiculous because you can always make that ridiculous rule work when you want to.

Just as well, RIP Ms. Kerr.

Fisher Stevens is Joining Lost?

Comingsoon.net is reporting that Fisher Stevens will be joining the Lost cast this season. Yanno, the season that we have to wait until February for?

Apparently, Fisher will be the face to the character whose voice we heard telling the Lostaways they'd be rescued, Minkowski. Question is, how does this casting revelation figure into the complete mind-fuck that the Lost writers dealt us with last season's finale?

I've heard many a Lost fan exclaim with glee that Lost would be beginning soon only to as quickly remember that we won't get any new episodes until after the new year. While this is usually met with a series of groans (and I admit, I'm anxious, too), I'm actually looking forward to not having to wait four to five freakin' weeks between episodes. Seriously, this show needs to keep its momentum and those long hiatuses were not helping a bit.

All I know is that I'm ready for more Locke. The whole series could consist mainly of John Locke and Desmond and I'd be as happy as a pig in....that stuff that a pig is happy in. You can throw in a few shirtless Sawyer shots, too. I won't complain.

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