13 Scary, Bitchy Movie Villainesses

Women can be scary. I know. I am one.

Then why is it that it seems so hard to find decent female villains? Especially when some of the best villains are female? Peruse any "Best Villains" list and you'll find that male villains outnumber female villains 4 to 1. Blah.

Let's skip the rest of the yada yada yada and just get down to the bitches.

Annie Wilkes - Misery

Baby, I'm your number one fan! Annie Wilkes is scary because she exists out there. When an obsessed Bjork fan sent an acid bomb to Bjork's doorstep because he was upset with her over her relationship with a black man, it was easy to make parallels to Annie Wilkes. Annie was a disgruntled, obsessed fan. The worst kind.

Cruella de Vil - 101 Dalmations

In movies, you can have hundreds of human causalities, but put a dog in there and people get downright angry. "You can have the humans, but for God's sake, leave the dog alone!" Cruella didn't leave the dogs alone. She liked to make fashion accessories out of them. In short, she was a nasty, shanky ho with bad taste in fashion. Bitch.

 

Katharine Parker - Working Girl

When women get competitive, they sometimes get downright sneaky and nasty. I'm not sure if this is the lack of organized sports in our life or what, but it's truth. Now, I'm not saying all women are like this, but chances are, if you've worked with a lot of women, you've worked with a Katherine Parker. I've worked with about three. People like Katherine like to toy with people. Katherine was the kind of person to say whatever you needed to hear just to keep you off her case and then, when you came up with a good idea, surprise! There she was, claiming it as her own. Yup, that's Katherine Parker in a nutshell. Nasty.

Ursula - The Little Mermaid

Ursula's one of those nasty, scary villains who you kinda have to like. She's got soul, even if it's a nasty one. When Ursula sings "Poor, Unfortunate Souls", you can't help but bop along, even if she is taking away Ariel's most treasured asset and with no intentions of following up on her promise.

Margaret White - Carrie

Margaret White's nasty bitchiness is made all the worse by the fact that the one she's terrorizing is her own daughter. She's one of those zealots and God knows, pardon the bad pun, they're the worst kind.

Professor Umbridge - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix wasn't the best movie by far. Like most of the Harry Potter movies, it was another somewhat lackluster attempt to capture the magic of the books. That being said, Imelda Staunton's portrayal of the nasty "hem hem" professor is off the hook. I hated her and wanted her face to meet a brick *almost* as badly as when I read the book. Voldemort was nasty, but Umbridge was infuriating.

Samara Morgan - The Ring

This girl gave me nightmares and I don't think I'm the only one. Let's see: she can crawl out of TVs and literally scare you to death. With her slithering, static movements, she brings to mind what would happen if you crossed the most annoying brat you know with the scariest spider on earth. *shudder*

The Evil Queen - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Yup. Disney again. Disney has done a really good job over the years in the arena of Bitch Development and The Evil Queen is one of my favorites. It's hard to hold her at fault for wanting to get rid of Snow White. Did you hear her singing voice?

Mrs. Danvers - Rebecca

Mrs. Danvers is like the mother-in-law from hell. Only she's not. Really. Throughout Rebecca, the Second Mrs. de Winter spends most of the time trying to figure out just what is up with this Mrs. Danvers and why she's so hell-bent on making her own life hell. Mrs. Danvers is the kinda gal you really don't want to ask for a sandwich lest it be your last. Furthermore, sleeping with the door locked and a heavy piece of furniture against the door is also a good idea.

The White Witch - The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

Like so many villainesses, the White Witch had a great sense of fashion. Which is kind off-putting. You're so busy thinking, "Oooh. What a snazzy dresser!" that you don't really notice that they're trying to remove your heart through your left nostril. And the White Witch makes it even easier to forget that she'll eventually turn you to stone by promising you high calorie sweets. She's dangerous!!

Joan Crawford - Mommie Dearest

I'll give you one line and then you'll understand: "No wire hangers! Ever!"

Maleficent - Sleeping Beauty

Maleficent is my favorite villain of all time. I'm obviously partial to the Disney villains, but none more so than Maleficent here. I mean, you can kind understand her frustration. Imagine, your neighbor, who you've been so nice and kind to all this time (well, kinda, sorta, maybe) has a big shindig in honor of his daughter's birth. They invite everyone. Even those trashy neighbors who they talk about so much their names have become a punchline. But they don't invite you. Hell, you'd be pissed, too. Would you kill their 16 year old daughter over it? Maybe not. But, still, you get her point.

And let me just tell you how mad sexy Maleficent was. She got to say "hell" in a Disney flick in 1959. That's pretty bad ass, y'all.

The Wicked Witch of the West - The Wizard of OZ

By far, the Wicked Witch of the West is one of the most recognizable movie villains in cinematic history. Whether they admit to it or not, most people found this chick scary as hell at one point in their life. Of course, like Maleficent, it's somewhat understandable why she's so pissed off. I mean, someone messed with her shoes, yo.

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I left off a few. There were a couple that actually made it here and then I deleted because I had second thoughts. My criteria is my own. It's like Price and Waterhouse Coopers and the Academy Awards. It's all secretive and CIA-ish.

Comments

[Kala]

where's bellatrix lestrange?