During my time online, I've noticed that there's a group of people who get online for the sole purpose of losing their shit. I'm not sure if there's a technical term for this, but whenever a new "event film" comes out, it seems to reach a pinnacle.
Currently, that event film is Cloverfield. And the location of insanity is IMDb's Message Boards.
IMDb's message boards are great because, for the most part, they're unmoderated. Oh sure, every once in awhile something goes haywire and a big iron fist slaps down among the fields of insanity, but most of the time, it's just an all out free-for-all.
First, we have our board. Cloverfield. Or as IMDb always likes to say: "Cloverfield (2008)." You know. Just in case you get confused.
The first topic at hand is this one:
Now, obviously, this topic holds lots of promise. And it explains a lot. But unfortunately, when we open it, we are only to discover that some ill-fated IMDb poster has lost a banana they were fond of. Whether the Cloverfield monster ate it or not, it's unsure, but since it's on the Cloverfield board, we're going to assume that "Clovie," as he's now been titled by the population of the IMDb board, had something to do with the missing banana.
After several posts on the thread of the poor cocaine-addled poster, one poster finally declares:
Obviously, he's very serious about this since his message is in caps.
Moving on, we find other great discussions such as this one:
This particular post was a tearful refrain about how one poster was just, well, too big for his own good. Shine on you crazy diamond. Shine on.
Now, if you don't believe him, he even gives us pictorial evidence:
So, if you're asking what any of this has to do with Cloverfield, well, technically nothing. More or less, the Cloverfield board has become deluged with haters of the film who are having a blast trolling the board.
There are some direct shots fired, however, which take the form of these topics:
- "My List of Reasons for Why Cloverfueld SUUUCKED" (Because it was spelled correctly?)
- "Soooo Fake..." (Are you saying that monster wasn't real?! I want my money back!)
- "BATTERY IMPOSSIBLE!" (Okay, this one is just old. And here is why.)
- "Cloverfield RUINED the world's economy... Just like 9/11!" (My name is Inigo Montoya. Cloverfield killed my father. Prepare to die.)
- "This movie is DEFINITELY racist against blacks! *spoilers*" (Ah. What's a message board without some old school race baiters! Personally, I found Cloverfield to be a little specist against monsters.)
- "who wanted a girlfriend after watching the movie?" (For those of you who just weren't, you know, hungry for a burger or something after the movie.)
So, what is the point of this post? I'm not sure. That IMDb's Cloverfield board has become a breeding ground for insanity and bad grammar?
Maybe. But you've got to admit, it is pretty entertaining.
And on that note, I leave you with this - the current (at the time of writing this) top two topics on the Cloverfield board:
Who says that our education system is failing our kids? Pfft.
ETA: More! More! More!