Other Kids Pack Lunch

The Other Boleyn Girl Trailer - Eric Bana Is Still Hot in Funny Hat

I cannot wait to see this movie.

1. Eric Bana 
2. Philippa Gregory 
3. Accents

 

 

Jimmy Fallon Getta Married. Married? Yes! Married!

It's all downhill from here, girls.

When Jimmy Fallon, the cute, quirky SNL bachelor we all knew and loved, gets married, it's all over. Apparently now, everyone's doing it. Doing what? Getting married! Don't make me quote Sixteen Candles again, people.

I had the most atrocious crush on Fallon back in the day. Went to see his show at Indiana U. Good times.

Now he's went and grown up and gotten married.

Are all of you people hell bent on getting married? CALM THE FUCK DOWN PEOPLE!!

For those looking for details instead of incessant whining, Fallon married his long-time girlfriend, Nancy Juvonen. They got married in the Caribbean. For those wondering, there were no pirates. As far as anyone knows, anyway. If I was going to get married in the Caribbean, I'd at least want a decent pirate ship as part of the deal.

Fine, Fallon. Go ahead. Grow up and get respectable.

Someone's gotta stay here and fight off Captain Hook anyway. Hmph.

Dear Hannah Montana, My Dad Is Dead. Please Send Concert Tickets.

Upon first reading this news story, I was instantly shocked. Let's face it: Anyway you cut it, telling people your father died in Iraq (who, it seems, was non-existent) is messed up and quite despicable. The fact that the lie was made to win, of all things, concert tickets, makes it even worse.

Of course, the other side to this is something that, as a writer, I've always been cognizant of when entering contests of this nature: sympathy will always out quality.

Now, before you lash me, let me state: I haven't read the essay. It could be fabulous. And it's not to say that an essay that was truthfully written about such a scenario wouldn't be quality. Obviously that isn't the case. What I'm saying is simply, when judging a contest, many times sympathy or even guilt will easily overshadow the true purpose of the contest: to find the best essay, writer, what have you. No doubt, the girl and her mother realized this. Otherwise, the essay would have consisted of how the girl simply wanted to go to the concert or how she was an upstanding young girl. Yeah, yeah.

Contest organizers are threatening to take away the girl's tickets. On the one hand, I can't blame them. On the other, is this acknowledgement that they didn't award the girl the tickets based on the actual essay, but more on the fact that her father had supposedly perished in Iraq? I can only assume that's part of the reason why no further decision has been made to take back the concert tickets. I'm aware that there's many sides to this and it goes back to the whole James Frey, "is it still worthy if it isn't true" bit that revolves around anytime a supposed biography or personal reflection is found not to be true.

In the end, no matter what happens, you can't for one second believe that the mother wasn't aware of the consequences of being discovered. They might have won sympathy for the essay, but I doubt the sympathy will go much further than that.

The sad part in all of this is that the girl was only 6 years old. Oh boy.

Update: Look as if they decided to take away the tickets.

Bette Davis Gets a U.S. Postage Stamp

Bette Davis was a cool chick, but I wouldn't have wanted to cross her.

Of course, now I can at least peel her off and stick her in the corner. Of a letter anyway. Yup. She's got her own postage stamp. Bette has now entered the cool brigade with Superman, Elvis, Mickey Mouse and Marilyn Monroe.

Bette had an interesting look on life. Honest to the point of pissing off those around her. Chances are, most goody-two shoe, everything is coming up roses people wouldn't have gotten along with her. If you don't believe me, just take a look at some of her wisdom:

"An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know."

"Basically, I believe the world is a jungle, and if it's not a bit of a jungle in the home, a child cannot possibly be fit to enter the outside world."

"I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business."

"I sent my flowers across the hall to Mrs Nixon but her husband remembered what a Democrat I am and sent them back."

"I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year."

"When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch."

And my personal favorite:

"Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies."

Yes. I definitely think we need more bitches on postage stamps. Hopefully, I'll have my own one day.

Of course, apparently, I'm more of a Mae West than a Bette. Not surprised. I fucking love her.

 

Which Classic Bombshell Are You? Great Pics!

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New Cloverfield Trailer

I'm ridiculous excited for this movie. The shot of the horse and carriage creeps me out something fierce.

Which Christmas Movie Did You Miss Seeing This Year?

I don't mean the ones at the theatre. I mean the ones that you always watch. A Christmas Story, It's A Wonderful Life, Christmas Vacation.

With TBS playing A Christmas Story for 24 hours straight, there was little chance to miss that one. Being that it's my favorite, I can't really complain, of course, but I did somehow end up watching that one a little too much.

Luckily, I bought a three DVD set with A Christmas Story, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and Elf, so I didn't miss the unedited version of Christmas Vacation. Cutting out the phrase "monkey shit" and "Danny fucking Kaye" from Clark's rants is just wrong and should be punishable by law.

The Christmas movies I missed seeing, however, were Home Alone and Scrooged. Two of the best damned ones.

So which one did you miss this year? And better yet, which one do you hope to miss next year? You know, the one that incessantly gets on your nerves (ehm, that would be that one about Santa and the house for me - I won't say the name of it in hopes that you won't put a hit out on me).

Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson: Full of Awesome or Legen - wait for it - dary?

Recently, while at the local cinema (I like saying "cinema" - makes me feel all European), I saw this poster and found myself saying, "This is going to be legen - wait for it - dary."

Now let me explain. It was as if I had no control of my lips. As if I had been possessed by the devil herself. It's true. I was in awe of a poster that featured the visage of Neil Patrick Harris. On a fucking unicorn.

A few years ago, if you had said the name "Neil Patrick Harris" to me, I would have replied, "Doody Howser?" with a snort.

Now, after three seasons of How I Met Your Mother, I have discovered: Neil Patrick Harris is full of awesome. Why? Barney Stinson.

If you haven't seen Neil in action as Barney, then you need to catch re-runs of How I Met Your Mother on CBS. There will be plenty of those for awhile as it is anyway with the writer's strike. Might as well make the best of it.

And for those of you who have seen Barney in action, I present you with this moment of zen:

How To Make a Perfect Christmas Movie - A Failproof Recipe

The holiday season is here. As such, you'll be hearing these lines fairly regularly for the next 30 or so days:

"You'll shoot your eye out!"
"We're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye."
"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings."

And my personal favorite:

"Deck the halls with boughs of horry. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra."

Go ahead and tell me you hate all those sappy Christmas movies. Try to convince yourself that you're Ebenezer reincarnated. I know better. You may try to convince everyone around you, but I know, when you're by yourself, you mist up when Ralphie tears the paper off that Red Ryder BB Gun.

But I'm not here to convince you to come out of the Christmas movie loving closet or go on about those movies that we probably could recite in our sleep. What I've come here to do is to figure out why one Christmas movie becomes a classic and the next becomes Jack Frost (the one with Michael Keaton, y'all).

Every year, Hollywood tries to cash in on the Christmas season and make another Christmas classic so that twenty years down the line, they can issue an entire line of commemorative merchandise based on said classic film. More often than not, however, what is released is a lackluster piece of crap that winds up in the $2 previously viewed bin at Blockbuster.

This year, it's Fred freakin' Claus. If you didn't realize that one was going to be a dud from the trailers alone, well, there's hope for Hollywood, yet.

However, for those of us hoping for another film that will equal the fun of a Griswold Family Christmas, I'm here to give those writers out there striking a little idea of what makes a good Christmas movie.